A relationship break-up is stressful for both parties and it can become more complicated if children are involved. If you have property or children together, a trip to your lawyer is going to be inevitable. We have some suggestions below that will help you not only prepare for that appointment with us but also will help around the separation process.


When you've first separated:
There are a few things that you can do as soon as you separate. If you're feeling angry or upset you can arrange some counselling. If you contact your local Family Court it can organise six sessions of counselling for you at no cost. This counselling is confidential and anything you say can't be used against you if you go to court. If you're worried about your children and how to explain your separation to them, there is a useful free course called 'Parenting through Separation'. Its aim is to guide you and your partner to help your children through the separation process, how separation affects your children and how to talk to them about it. For the date of the next course in your area, call 0800 211 211 or visit www.justice.govt.nz/family. If you end up being involved in Family Court proceedings the judge will often recommend you do this course. You might want to talk to your ex-partner about closing any joint bank accounts and credit cards, and making sure you've accounts and cards in your own name only. If you don't do this your former partner may withdraw all your jointly-held money out of your accounts and/or max out the credit cards.

First legal appointment:

When you visit your family lawyer for the first time after your separation, it will help if you bring the information below to the appointment:

- The date you separated
- Your children's full names and dates of birth
- The date and place of your marriage/civil union, or a copy of your marriage/civil union certificate
- The date you first entered the relationship if you'e not married or in a civil union
- Recent bank statements
- Current household and other bills
- Any court papers with which you have been served
- A brief written summary of what has happened, including dates
- Copies of financial statements for yourself or your business (if any)
- Mortgage papers or a title for your home
- Details of any agreements you and your former partner may have reached, for example: a contracting out agreement from the Property (Relationships) Act
- Trust deeds
- Minutes of any trustees meetings
- Details of any money or property you may have inherited, and
- A list of family treasures or taonga; you may need some guidance on how these items can be treated.

If you're worried you might forget something, write it down before your appointment. It's quite natural for you to feel anxious, and it may help if you bring a friend along with you for support.